


your heart is a muscle

by intearsaboutrobots



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Resurrection, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Post-Canon, returning from the grave is a rough trip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-08 19:53:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16435793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intearsaboutrobots/pseuds/intearsaboutrobots
Summary: the heart's rhythm is intrinsic to its muscle cells. even in brain dead people, it can continue beating for days without intervention. maxwell knew this. she also knew she'd been dead a lot longer than that. some intermittent monitoring was only rational to make sure it was all functioning as intended.less rational was sitting on the floor of the bathroom taking her pulse for hours, but there wasn't much she could do about that.





	your heart is a muscle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> okay so this was inspired by a conversation i was having with charlie @shortwaveattentionspan. we were discussing that like, okay sure maxwell died in canon, but there's no way jacobi would let that lie. he'd resurrect her as soon as he was back on earth, risk to himself be damned!
> 
> this story's set post- that resurrection, while maxwell's adjusting to being back in the land of the living

maxwell’s short nails bit into her wrist, digging crescent-shaped divots. she knew she should let go:  _ she was hurting herself, this was irrational, jacobi would freak out, _ but.

but. 

but the push and pull of her heartbeat felt unreal. every time she resolved herself to let go she felt it falter, and she had to grip harder to make sure it kept beating.  _ she was alive, she was breathing, she was okay. _

maxwell didn’t know what time it had been when she’d gone into the bathroom. she’d come to take a shower, not to sit in the corner where the tub met the wall, holding her wrist and cursing herself for ending up here. it had been after dinner, certainly, and morning light now slanted through the small window above her.

maxwell watched the patch of light journey down the wall and over the sink to join her on the floor as the house woke up around her. feet shuffled sleepily through the hall, coffee percolated on the stove. she could hear voices through the door, but not the words. someone laughed. everything was muted and distant. 

_ appropriate for a dead woman, _ she thought. the joke rang hollow.

the door squeaked across from her. maxwell’s heartbeat tripled as it swung open, letting sound and light rush in. she could hear the conversation now, minkowski telling eiffel that  _ no, for the tenth time, eggos are not a full breakfast. it says “part” of a healthy breakfast on the side of the box for crying out- _

“maxwell? maxwell! what happened?” maxwell blinked. her eyes focused. jacobi was kneeling in front of her, his hand on her shoulder. part of her thought  _ it’d make more sense if it passed right through, that is how ghosts work, isn’t it? _ her pulse beat frantically. was it too fast now? shit, she didn’t have any way to time it with.

“do you have a watch?” 

jacobi blinked, struggling to change conversational gears. maxwell tried to elaborate. “i need to check - i think it’s not working right, it’s the wrong speed, but i can’t tell for sure so i need a watch.”

jacobi’s face screwed up in confusion until something clicked and his expression softened. something deep in maxwell’s chest tugged.

“how long have you been sitting here?” he asked.

maxwell squinted hard at jacobi. 

“i don’t have a  _ watch _ ,” she reiterated pointedly. then she relented. “since last night.”

“shit.”

a smile tugged at the corner of maxwell’s mouth and she nodded. this rhythm was familiar. it distracted her from the thready beat under her fingertips.

jacobi chewed his lip in thought. 

“how do you feel about moving?” 

he looked around, exaggeratedly taking in their surrounding. “the bathroom’s great and all, love the crown moulding, but unless you want to get v-e-r-y familiar with doug’s post-coffee routine we can probably find somewhere better.”

maxwell shifted. her side ached where the wall of the tub had been digging into it for hours, and she knew her back would be cramped all day after this, but there was something secure about the discomfort. corpses didn’t complain about their stiff muscles, did they?

still. jacobi made a compelling point. 

reluctantly, maxwell coerced her sore muscles into motion. jacobi helped her to her feet, his hand winding up on her back, guiding her out of the room. the heat of his palm seeped quickly through her ratty t-shirt  _ (borrowed from doug, because all her clothes were gone, because she had been dead) _ , and maxwell didn’t realise how cold  _ (lifeless) _ sitting on a tile floor for hours had made her. 

she leaned into jacobi, pressing into his side.  _ i’m alive _ , she told herself sternly. the feeling didn’t quite dissipate, but jacobi wrapped his arm around her more firmly, and the pressure and warmth almost drowned it out.

jacobi’s room wasn’t far, and soon he was guiding her to sit on his bed. he scooted the pair of them back until they were sitting against the headboard. maxwell looked down and snorted.

“do you have r2-d2 on your sheets?” 

jacobi poked her in the ribs. 

“hey, if i’m going linen shopping, you know i’m going to the kids section. that’s where all the fun stuff is!” his voice lowered a little. “is this okay? we can switch so you’re against the wall if that’d be better.”

maxwell considered, slumping more comfortably into his side. being in a corner seemed less important now, with someone warm and solid to lean on. she shook her head minutely. her limbs felt leaden, lack of sleep was catching up with her. her eyes drifted closed, muscles going slack. the moment her hand loosened on her wrist, however, she felt herself snap to attention, breathing fast, fingers tightening. 

“this sucks,” she muttered half-into jacobi’s shoulder, as she felt her heart start to calm. 

“i know. i’m sorry.” his hand slid up and down her side in as comforting a motion as he could manage with her pinning his arm to the headboard. “i wish i could help.”

maxwell made a miserable noise of agreement, then something occurred to her. she forced one eye open to look up at jacobi.

“you can. maybe. give me your hand.” jacobi’s mouth twisted in confusion, but she felt his hand take hers. she scrunched her face and shook her head. 

“not that. i need you to watch it for me. while i sleep.” when jacobi didn’t respond, maxwell sighed and lifted her wrist. “you could make sure i don’t die. again.”

for a moment jacobi was silent, and worries began to bubble in the back of maxwell’s brain. after all, he was the one who’d had to live through her dying,  _ this was too weird, he’d seen her die she was hurting him by making him think about it, or he just thought she was crazy because she couldn’t sleep in case her heart stopped, or - _

his fingers closed on her wrist, nudging hers out of the way. he shifted his grip until he was comfortable, and she felt him shift to look down at her. 

“is this okay?”

maxwell took a slow breath in, feeling for the panic that had overcome her. it was.. there, still coiled up in a dark corner somewhere, but distant. she let the breath out in a relieved sigh, and nodded. 

“wake me up if my heart stops.” 

“always.”

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY so i wrote this in RECORD time and it's very unbeta-ed so apologies for any typoes. title is from [your heart is a muscle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pbw4vCdP-zs) by the _iconic_ carly rae jepsen, a song with a very relevant title and largely irrelevant lyrics.
> 
> fun things i learned writing this:  
> 1\. your heart is partially autonomic and partially directly controlled by your brain! your brain just regulates the heart rate and contractibility tho, your heart really can beat without it. ([X](https://www.reddit.com/r/askscience/comments/1zjou2/is_heartbeat_directly_controlled_by_the/))  
> 2\. how to spend "crown mo _u_ lding"  
> 3\. [these are jacobi's bedsheets](https://www.walmart.ca/en/ip/star-wars-classic-twin-sheet-set/6000196489906), idk if its canon but my boy was big into star wars growin up
> 
> if you liked this, feel free to hmu on tumblr [@intearsaboutrobots](http://intearsaboutrobots.tumblr.com/)!


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